Wammy Kids Don't Act
by Yanagi of the Wind
Summary: Linda, Matt, Mello, and Near are assigned to do a skit. Linda's in charge, and she's been inspired by a new show. T for language and a bucket of red paint.


Mello dropped to his knees beside his best friend's limp form. He shook his head, and then shook Matt's body. "No! Eren, you can't! It's not supposed to end like this- you excelled in the... Gear.. Thing.. Training!"

Matt tried to hold back but he snickered and sat up. "Gear thing training? You mean _3DMG _training."

"I believe the full name is Three Dimensional Maneuver Gear," Near said dully, almost dropping the flashlight he was holding. He steadied himself and stood straight like Linda had told him to.

"You guys!" The only girl whined to the three of them, more so to her two actors, who were already dissolving into an argument. "You're supposed to be playing a _dramatic moment_! Not! Arguing!"

"C'mon, Linda, the only good things about this 'production' is the set." Matt crossed tugged on his convincing cosplay. "Mello and I aren't convincing actors and Near's too short to do lighting."

"I am a _fucking brilliant _actor," Mello frowned and crossed his arms.

"You're good enough to trick an idiot into being kidnapped," The redhead- who was currently brunet, according to his wig- muttered.

"Shut the fuck up, Eren."

Linda held both hands in front of her. "Okay, okay," She sighed, "stop arguing. Mello, you'll be the light-director-person and Near will be Armin... Mello, give Near your 3D gear."

Mello looked between the caramel-haired girl and his enemy. "I'm not giving him shit."

"On the contrary, you give me a lot of shit, Mello." At this, Mello undid his belt and threw it at Near. The white-haired boy caught it and put it on.

Matt laughed, "He got you, Mells!" Mello stuck his tongue out.

When they'd gotten in the right positions, Linda nodded for them to start and clicked on the camera. In an almost-perfect monotone, Near said, "No. Eren you can't. It's not supposed to end like this. You excelled in three dimensional maneu-"

"CUT." Linda quickly cut him off. "The name's too long so call it 3DMG."

Near repeated the line in a complete monotone, seeming to be displeased with not being able to say what he wanted. Linda groaned and ran a hand through her hair. "Near, switch with Matt. Matt, give him your wig." The two did as they were told, Matt smirking slightly. Mello tapped his foot impatiently.

"Okay, action!" Linda nodded with determination.

"Eren you're not supposed to go out like this! I love you!" Matt shouted.

"MATT!" Linda snapped. Mello threw the flashlight at Matt and shouted "Bastard!"

Matt cackled, Mello sulked, and Near laid there, boredly. Linda shook her head and sat, hiding her face in her hands. "You're all hopeless."

After a few minutes and everyone had calmed down, Linda stood back up. "Let's try this again. We're going to make this work."

-O-

The small class sat in a circle around the television, some with excitement, and others- four others, to be exact- with dread. Roger cleared his throat: "Ehem. Our next skit is... _Attack on Acting_, by Linda, Matt, Mello, and Near. It's a-"

"It's inspired by Attack on Titan, sir," Linda interrupted, and then smiled sheepishly when he continued, "Yes, I would have said that."

Roger put the disk into the DVD player and clicked the power button. The television screen glowed yellow in the dim light, and a red hand appeared over cardboard painted like bricks.

'"On that day, humanity remembered."' Linda's voice came from the scene faded from the cutout of a giant red thing ("It's the Colossal Titan!" Linda said) to Near, dressed in a brown wig and purposely-raggedy clothes. Linda stood next to him with an overly-dramatic look of horror on her face. Near's expression was completely deadpan, as was his voice.

'"My house is over this way. My house is going to be right around the corner. Oh no. Mom is hurt and I have to save her. Stop. No. Mooooom."'

Followed by that was Matt, with a pinkish-brown plastic thing Linda had found taped over his hair. He calmly asked Linda- who had her hair up in a ponytail and a potato in her hand- '"Why would you eat a _potato_?"'

'"You _seriously_ don't _know_ why _human beings_ eat _potatoes_?!"' Her acting was enough to make Matt cringe onscreen.

The next scene was Near, lying on the ground, wearing full soldiers' cosplay, with a bucket's worth of red paint spilled around him.

'"No! Eren, you can't! It's not supposed to end like this- You excelled in 3D training!"' Matt collapsed to his next to Near, who tuned his head towards him.

'"Armin. Tell Mikasa not to cry. You both have to move on. Kill the titans for me."' He closed his eyes, and Matt pretended to sob. A muffled '"You can't act for shit, you fucking sheep," finished the scene.

The small class snickered at the ending. "Hm. You could have improved on the lighting, but the humor was very good," Roger said. Linda didn't correct that she'd been going for angst.


End file.
